Derby Humor…145th Edition

For all my horse racing peeps, here’s some Cutting Humor, describing the Vekoma-coaster ride in handicapping this year’s Kentucky Derby. Locked away in the Haikal, not far from my Country House, with my epee (red pen), I attack the pps like a Master Fencer. It doesn’t take long to Tax my brain…and I find it to be a War of Will to find a Game Winner for the 145th Kentucky Derby. But I must press on…for it is in the Code of Honor to produce a Top-n List. As I sip a Long Range Toddy, pondering all outcomes, Improbable or not, it’s time to query the spreadsheets and databases…the Tacitus of derby history, kept under Maximum Security. I write query upon query, which, By My Standards, are simply a Spinoff of last year’s work. A minor tweak here…an updated formula there…I press the enter key and start whispering customary incantations like a Gray Magician, “…oh wise database…who’s going to Win Win Win…,” And, in an instant, the results appear on my screen…quicker than a Roadster on the Bodexpress, “…the horse you seek is…YOUR INTERNET CONNECTION HAS BEEN LOST.” Ain’t that just Plus Que Parfait!

William Torre

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